Dear Youth, Here Is What God Is Calling You To Do In Your Single Season
My beloved sister in Christ, I’m going to assume you want to marry a Godly man. But do you know exactly what that means?
Let me ask you this: how do you think a God-fearing man spends his time?
Is he sitting around and waiting around for his princess/future wife to ride into his life? Is he building an empire? Or maybe he’s playing video games in his parents' basement until he feels ready to adult?
More likely though, he is doing the work God called him to - whether it’s getting a college education, working in a job that would one day help support a family, and/or serving in ministry.
So, while he’s doing that, what are you doing? Is your lifestyle and the way you spend your time going to be equally yoked with his?
They were young and in love. But then he felt the call to go to seminary and do missions work, hours away from home, and he asked if she would wait for him. She replied that she loved him dearly and so of course she would wait.
He replied, "Don't just wait on me. Do the work He has called you to do. Take the classes you've wanting and become a teacher so that you can teach children His ways. Because I've been called away to prepare His bride. Jesus has been waiting two thousand years for His beloved to be ready for Him. Now it's our turn to help prepare the bride for her bridegroom. So, don't just wait. Prepare His bride, because the few years we'll have to wait pale in comparison to Jesus’ love for His bride."
A Godly man wants to marry a Godly woman. That type of woman isn’t idle (Pr. 31:27, 1 Tim. 5:13), instead, she cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy and set apart in body and spirit (1 Cor. 7:32-34).
What does the Lord care about? For all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the Truth (1 Tim. 2:4), and the way He accomplishes this is through His disciples (Mat. 28:19). He cares about the widows and orphans (James 1:27); the poor and the needy (Pr. 31:20); and His bride, the church (Eph. 4:12).
That realization hit me hard, because that is in stark contrast to how most young women spend the years of our youth, when we care a lot more about our social media feeds, online popularity, wardrobe, weight, appearance, entertainment, dating/finding a husband, building up a life that looks good online, brunching, building up a successful career, gossip and the list goes on and on. We may fit in some ministry here or there, maybe even a mission trip or two, but the bulk of our time is sadly often spent on the things of the world and building ourselves up in the eyes of others.
I spent most of my single years going to school, working, volunteering and even doing a bit of ministry. But then I came into a season when the Lord started to prepare my heart for marriage and slowly I left many of the things God called me to do by the wayside and fell into the trap many young single women do: anxiously sitting around and waiting to get married. I stopped working for His Kingdom.
Sure, we may work and even dabble in ministry while we wait like this, but we do it all distracted and ready to quit the second an eligible guy walks into the picture. We say no to that missions or job opportunity because what if Mr. Right comes into your life this year? Then you’d have to quit the new job or you probably won't finish that degree and so might as well not even start.
Yet, months turn into years, and a season that was meant to be fruitful, ends up being wasted or at the very least, lived out halfheartedly. We put our lives on hold, mistakenly thinking life begins when you say "I do."
As I've prayed for my future husband, God has shown me that the man I will marry someday will be involved in ministry, which requires a lot of prayer support from me as his wife. Not only that, but this man needs my prayers even know - long before we even meet. So, I prayed.
And waited. Because surely that meant I would also get married soon? Because why would God put a prayer call on my life like that and leave it at that?
Weeks turned into months. I grew disenchanted and doubtful. At one point, I even grew frustrated with my future husband that he seemed to be living his life with no hurry to marry (I mean I didn't technically know that was the case, but us women can read into things that don’t exist ;))
“I have work for him to do right now,” said the Lord. “That’s why I asked you to pray for him.” As I envisioned this man serving the Lord and His people, my selfish desire to hurry up marriage seemed so petty in comparison. “And I have work for you to do too,” God told me, and that was that.
We each had our own separate callings in this season. Things and experiences the Lord needed us to do for His glory and our good before our paths and ministries could one day join together. I couldn’t waste away what God was calling me to do while waiting on my husband to do what God called him to do.
What is God calling you to do in this season?
I think you know. As you read this, something came to mind. Maybe you pushed it away, discarding it as too big or crazy. Or maybe your heart skipped a beat in excitement of finally chasing that hidden dream. Or maybe you started and then left it by the wayside at some point, like I did.
I see that yearning in you to serve Jesus - to set yourself apart from the frivolous and shallow pursuits of your classmates and friends, and to follow Jesus wholeheartedly. Maybe you go get a degree, take that promotion offer, move to a different city or say yes to a long-term missions assignment.
But it’s hard to be the one who is different - to become the only one who isn’t getting male attention like your friends or to not be tagged in all those Instagram stories of your friends doing empty but pretty things with all their spare time. All because you chose to serve God with a quiet confidence and full surrender - often unnoticed by the world but greatly beloved by God.
If you're unsure what exactly God is calling you to do in your single season - if you've spent months or even years sitting passively waiting for a proposal - start and keep praying about this. Ask God for work to do for Him. He doesn’t withhold this information from us - in fact He is always looking for a willing and obedient heart (2 Chronicles 16:9, Luke 6:46), because the harvest is great and the laborers are few (Mat. 9:37). For you were created to do good works (Eph. 2:10). Long before you were born, the Lord set you apart for His glory and kingdom work (Jer. 1:5).
Don’t be surprised though if His answer is to be faithful in the little things (Luke 16:10). To do a few more selfless things in service to others (Phil. 2:3-5). To teach a Sunday school class or befriend that girl you always see sitting alone. To do your "boring" secular job with joy and gratitude as for the Lord, even as your heart longs to be a stay at home mom. To write, paint, speak, travel, give, volunteer, serve, share, testify and love with all of your being (Col. 3:17).
Not as something to pass the time until you get married but as it is the most important work you were created on this earth to do. To pour out all of you in service to Him for as long as He asks it of you. Your service to His bride will not be in vain (1 Cor. 15:58). When you’re called, you leave everything in this world behind and wholeheartedly follow Him - that is the cost of discipleship (Luke 9:57-62).
While you do that, He will be faithful to write your love story within His will and His timing (Mat. 6:25-34, Phil. 4:19). Your Heavenly Father will find a mate for you who is following Jesus just as wholeheartedly, for a prudent wife is from the Lord (Pr. 19:14, James 1:17).
Your Father's desire is to make you equally yoked, because He knows that a man will love you as Christ loved the church, because he first loved Jesus like that and his single season is a testimony of that. God knows that a young woman will be prepared to submit and respect her husband, because she first joyfully submitted and trusted the Lord in her single season.
You see, the way you spend your single season will shape who you will be as a wife, and it will determine the kind of man you’ll marry. You can't earn your way with good works into getting a Godly husband, but God can use your single season to mold you into a Godly wife for a Godly man.
Imagine your heavenly Father’s delight when He presents you as a beautiful bride to your husband - a woman whose life is already full of the fruit of the Spirit and whose beauty is adorned in good works and godliness (1 Pet. 2:10).
When all those years you spent ministering to Him, He was molding you into a woman - and soon to be wife - of faith and prayer. That the young years you selflessly gave to Him yielded an abundance of glory to Him and stored up treasure in heaven for you (and your future family, for the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, 1 Cor. 7:14 and Ps. 112:2).
So many of us love the story of Ruth, but we often forget that her love story first began when Boaz noticed her working in the fields (Ruth 2:5).
May you be noticed by a Godly man as you work in your Master’s fields - not merely for your outer physical appearance but first and foremost for being adorned in godliness and good works, and a radiance that only comes from being in the presence of His glory daily.
I know you’ve heard all of this before. But I pray you see it now from an eternal perspective - as a special calling for the season you’re in, when you can serve the Lord and build up His bride without the added responsibility of a family of your own. The reality is - once you’re married and start a family of your own, you won’t have as much available time and flexibility like you do now to study your Bible, pray, get involved in your church, and serve.
A few precious years spent alone with your Savior. Just Him and you. ‘Tie the season.
My [daughter], do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. -Proverbs 3:1-6
May I share with you one more story?
My grandmother grew up in Siberia in a family of Communist educators and atheists. She became a believer when she was 16 and as a result, spent her teenage years being persecuted by her family, community, classmates, and the authorities for her faith. She spent her free time walking for hours to the next town where a few elderly Christian women gathered at night to pray in secret. While her friends were attending dances, having fun, going to school, and enjoying being young, she gave her youth to God. He was more precious and valuable to her than youthful pleasures - even if it meant risking being beaten or imprisoned for her faith. Surely, she thought, she would also never marry because there wasn't a single believer anywhere in the vicinity - and even the unbelieving guys wouldn't come close to her as a Christian other than to mock her.
But God made her a promise:
"Because you have given me the years of your youth, I will bless you and your descendants greatly."
Nearly four years later, as she tells it, "I stepped into a covenant of marriage with my beloved, sent to me by the Lord Himself." It's true. She lived in a tiny village located in a remote part of Siberia, but one day God told a young Christian soldier (from the area that is now known as Ukraine), to travel a few hours out of his way to Chita, where there was a group of Christian women meeting in secret and praying that God would send them a preacher.
4000 miles was not too far for our God to bring a couple together, all because one young woman chose to give her young years to her Savior. They were happily married for 60 years (40 of which my grandfather was pastor of a large congregation under the Soviet rule), and raised ten Godly children (we’re in 78 grandchildren and 96 great-grandchildren count now!).
Friend, honor God with the first fruits of your life (Pr. 3:9). Give Him your youth and you will stand in awe of all that He can do in you and through you (Hab. 1:5).
Let no one despise you for your youth, but set an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity (1 Tim. 4:12). For you are young and strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one (1 John 2:14).
Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with a pure heart (2 Tim. 2:22). As each of you has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace (1 Peter 4:10).
Yes, you can spend your youth walking in the ways of your own heart and in the sight of your own eyes, but know that for all these things God will bring you into judgement (Ecc. 11:9).
Promise me, beloved daughters of God and my sisters in Christ, not to awaken love until the time is right (Songs 3:5).
Instead, remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the difficult days come, and the years draw near and you say, "I have no pleasure in them." (Ecc. 12:1).
So that someday you can stand before your Creator and God, and like Caleb and David, claim your inheritance in His eternal kingdom, saying "Even when everyone else did not, but for my part, I wholeheartedly followed the Lord my God (Josh. 14:8). Father, I have faithfully served your purpose in my generation (Acts 13:36), and in my youth, I kept my ways pure by guarding them with your Word (Ps. 119:9).”
I know what His response will be to that: "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your Master" (Mat. 25:21).
"Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.” -Colossians 3:24 NLT
If this post encouraged you, will you please consider sharing it with your friends?
I don’t ask for my own glory or fame, but because this post is very much what God has called me to do in my single season. On my own, I can do very little and reach very few souls, but with the Lord and all of you faithful sisters in Christ, we can build up a generation of women after God’s own heart.